Sims 2 Mania

I admit it, I am a Sims 2 addict. I have all the expansion packs so far, including the new one Sims 2 Pets. Oh my goodness, it's so much fun. The pets do some hilariously realistic things. For instance, there is a catnip filled mouse toy for your cats. When a cat starts playing with it, after a few moments you see colored lights and little stars swimming around the cat's head and then they go a little bonkers, running around all insane. The only difference between that and my own cats is, I can't see the colored swirls. Cats in the Sims 2 will claw the heck out of your furniture unless you give them other options, just like real cats. You teach your pets proper (or improper) behaviors through verbal reinforcements such as praising or scolding. It's a lot easier to train a Sims pet sadly.

I haven't gottan a thing done over the past few days I wanted to do thanks to this game. I wonder if there's a 12 step program for Sims addicts? Nah, this is an addiction I like and, soon, I'll go back to my once or twice a week playing routine.

This is a long overdue update of my journal. I had thought about keeping this private but I know that so many of you who do still read my journal actually care and I need a little contact with others right now. This post may ramble quite a bit.. I apologize for that in advance.There is so much happening and nothing at all at the same time. I am stressed to my limits. I need grounding. I need centering. I need a healthy outlet for my stress.

My daughter came out for her summer visit in June. It didn't take long for her to decide that she wants to stay here for the school year. Some of you will remember what happened two years ago. Those that do know that it wasn't pretty at all. My daughter is two years older now and feels able to stand up to her dad. She told my sister that, looking back, she can now see how he manipulated her two years ago into staying.She's told her dad several times she wants to stay here. He's being completely and totally unreasonable. He's SO not listening to her and completely disregarding her feelings. It's pissing me off that he's treating her like this and it's really starting to piss her off too. A lawyer has been put on retainer. This time I'm NOT backing down from the bastard.

Add to that her ex-boyfriend in Texas has gone psycho on us... it's not been fun. When she first came down here to visit this summer, his possessive behavior was very apparent. He was calling (what seemed like) every five minutes. He wanted to know what she was doing at all times of the day and expected her to call him when she left the house and when she came home, etc. etc. She told me he had been acting really possessively and said she had been thinking about breaking up with him. The impetus to break up finally came when she reconnected with the boy next door (okay, he lives three houses down from us but still). Well, things went from bad to worse. The phone calls got even more frequent and then his mother called my ex mother-in-law (who is the REAL person who's been raising my daughter not her damn father and she and I have become pretty close over the past couple years) and told her that my daughter was killing her son because he's depressed, he won't eat, etc. etc. Because, you know, my sixteen year old is responsible for this boy's happiness and well-being ::dramatic roll of the eyes here:: His mother even called me... at 1:00 in the freaking morning. You can imagine my reaction to her. We finally had to threaten to press charges for telephone harassment with him to get it to stop.It's not like I didn't feel for the kid. They'd been dating two years and I know what it's like to be 18 and in luuv. But he went from heartbroken to out and out psycho. Things had calmed down. He stopped calling all the time. They stopped fighting. Things seemed to be okay and they had begun talking again.

Wednesday I received a call from the ex MIL and said that he had left a bag of Shyanne's clothes on their front porch. Things she had left over at his house, including the dress she wore in my wedding two years ago (she had also worn it to homecoming this past school year). If all he had done was leave the clothes in the trash bag, that wouldn't have been a problem. But he didn't. Every piece of clothing in that bag was shredded. How scary is that?

Ex MIL is trying to get a restraining order against the kid (who is 18 now). Meanwhile she tells me that she believes Shyanne NEEDS to stay here because she's afraid of what this kid might do to her and, I can't say I disagree. You can guess what her father had to say to this. "I'll protect her. She'll be taken care of." I'm so enraged by this, I can't even see straight.

My daughter has been begging me to enroll her in school here. I can't without his permission and he won't give it. He says he wants to talk to her face to face. This sound fishy to anyone else here? What this tells me is that he can't wait to get his hands on her so he can try to guilt trip her and basically talk her into staying there.

My sister came up with the idea of having my daughter go out to visit her in Austin (just a couple hours from where he lives, even closer to where he works) and see if they can't get him to meet with my daughter so he CAN talk to her face to face. The idea was that if he does and sees she really IS serious about staying here, he'll finally listen to her and back off. My lawyer seemed to think this was a good idea. So, Shyanne is going on a plane in a few hours back to Texas.

My ex-husband went ballistic when my sister talked to him. Completely and totally irrationally ballistic. My daughter knows and I asked her what she felt about it. She said "he's being retarded". He's going to call her later this afternoon at my sister's. I hope she can be strong. She admitted this will truly be her first time to stand up to him. All I can say is I am scared to death of what he's going to do. Two years ago he ran off with her and hid her from me (my daughter told me his lawyer suggested he do that). I don't know what I'll do if he does that again...

So, that's it.. now you guys know why I'm being silent and why I'm so stressed out.

My friend Kate

Kate and I have been friends for several years now. We met years ago thanks to an RPG called DragonRealms. I did not know her very well at first but we instantly connected. We had lost touch for awhile and then, suddenly, found ourselves "meeting" again. Since we got back in touch, she's become my best friend in the whole wide world. I wonder if she knows just how much I really depend on her or just how much her friendship really means to me.

And then I read a blog entry like this one: The Original Musings: Indy Feis Results

I hate, absolutely hate that anyone had to go through the loss of a child. I hate even more that it was someone I care so much about. As a mother, I can only imagine the pain caused by it. I don't think I could have come through a tragedy like that and still be (at least mostly) sane. I had my heart broken by someone I loved 10 years back and had a nervous breakdown. I can't even begin to guess how she was able to deal with it and come to terms with the loss of her infant son. Kate has got to be one of the strongest people I know.

I love you, Kate. I just wanted you to know.

Xposted from my LJ

For those who can't or don't read there...

I just got the biopsy results back from my endoscopy two weeks ago. Everything is negative, including the tests for celiac disease. Why should I be upset? I should be ecstatic to hear I don't have a disease. I know I should and it's not logical to be this upset but I am. I thought I would *finally* have some answers. Finally. I would have known what was wrong with me and would have had a course of action laid out before me to fix it.

I am so tired of being "sick" and not knowing WHY I am sick. I am tired of people looking at me like I'm insane or it's all in my head. Thankfully my gastro doctor doesn't think I'm crazy. I guess it's because they see stuff like this all the time. I want to feel better. I want to have energy again. Instead I get to have MORE tests and new medication to try to alleviate my symptoms. Yay.

So I had my upper endoscopy today and it was the single most horrible experience I can ever recall having. The people in this outpatient center are very nice and I've had two colonoscopies with them before. Never did I have any problems. Everything was fine and dandy until they sedated me. When I had my colonoscopies the sedation took firm hold and I did not wake up until I was in the recovery area.

I woke up at least twice under the sedation and immediately started choking from this tube down my throat. I want to say it was painful too but that may just be my mind adding it as an afterthought. At one point I vomited and, at another, I believe I was actually fighting them because I wanted that tube OUT. I vaguely remember sobbing too. My throat hurts so bad right now, I can barely swallow.

I've read several experiences others have had with an upper endoscopy and they've all had such nice pleasant experiences with only a vague sore throat afterwards to remind them. I'm exhausted too. I came home and slept off and on for at least four hours. I only woke up to go to the bathroom (IV fluid and stuff to drink after the procedure). Now I have a headache and am waiting for the husband to come home with some throat lozenges for me.

What did I find out from the endoscopy? Well, there are a couple things that were readily visible. I will have to wait for the biopsy results for the main problem they were trying to either confirm or rule out (Celiac Disease). I have erosions in my esophogus from acid reflux disease, I have a small axial hiatal hernia and there was evidence of mild gastritis. I am now on Previcid for the acid reflux and the rest is just a waiting game. My hernia is small enough to not worry about right now. So that's that.

Ramblings, probably not of the artistic kind....

I realize I haven't really posted much anything of true substance here. I am so used to keeping my politics to myself and am rarely comfortable discussing them outloud. Hell, half the time I do not even know how to classify myself ::chuckles:: I think I will keep the politics out for now. Right now, I'm focused on finding out what the hell is wrong with me and getting well. I have been sick for so long it's hard to think about anything else.

One thing is for certain, I will be glad to know it's not all "in my head". I'd almost convinced myself it was. After all, if the doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me, then nothing could be wrong could it? My gastro doctors, at least, have never made me feel that way. Probably because the see cases like mine all the time. Symptoms that tend to be very general in nature and could be indications of any number of diseases or disorders.

I have my upper endoscopy on Wednesday. Hopefully this will be the end and I will finally get some answers. I've been researching the disease the doctor thinks I have. I know it sounds strange to hear someone say they hope the doctor tells them they actually HAVE something wrong with them but, after three years, all I want is to know what's wrong with me and how to go about fixing it. This disease (celiac sprue or celiac disease) is not curable but it IS controllable with diet. It will be a difficult adjustment at first but, not impossible.

I just want to feel... human... again.

I am in a ridiculous amount of pain this morning... abdominal pain that is. There are no drugs I can take to ease the pain or take the edge off it. I've tried. The doctors gave me vicodin and even morphocodone (the generic name for it) which is like vicodin but with morphine in it instead. They didn't even *help* and, since they are highly addictive, I stopped taking them when I realized they weren't going to stop the pain.

I should be in bed. I can't even *think* about sleeping right now, no matter how tired I am. There's absolutely *no* sleeping with this pain. It's the worst it's been in months right now. I'll be so glad for a diagnosis. I'm hoping my doctor can give me one soon. Unfortunately gastro problems are some of the hardest to diagnose because so many symptoms overlap and mimic each other for different disorders. I have a friend who *finally* got a diagnosis on her problem after 5 years. I'm going on three...

I know one of my friends on LJ understands what I'm going through even if our health problems are vastly different (::hugs to Angela::). It's frustrating as hell. I'm having more mood swings right now than a 15 year old girl. It's got to be hard on my husband too...

After getting the results of my bloodwork back, my gastro doctor suspects I may have something called Celiac Sprue (http://www.csaceliacs.org/). If it is what I have it will be a pain in the neck to adjust because I will have to adopt a gluten free diet.. forever. It's not curable at this point in time.

My colonoscopy was normal so this is a good thing. Next up is an upper endoscopy to see if my small intestine is damaged from the Celiac disease. Personally, I rather hope it's not what I have but at the same time, I'll be happy for a diagnosis.

Those of you who've known me awhile will recall a couple years back when I started having abdominal pain. It's centered right around my navel, slightly below and to the right of it. When I first had it, it hurt so badly, I could have sworn I was having an attack of appendicitis. It was 2am, I woke up my husband (whom I was not married to yet) and we went to the ER. It turns out it wasn't my appendix. I had no fever and my white blood cell count was normal.

The surgeon was not about to cut me open if he did not have to so he ordered a CAT scan of the area. Turns out my ileum (part of the small intestine) was inflamed and it's right in the area that was in pain. There just so happened to be a gastroenterologist doing rounds in the hospital at that time (by this time it was 9am! Mind you we got to the ER around 2:30am). The gastro doctor immediately admitted me and I got to spend three very boring days hooked up to an IV while they pumped me full of enough antibiotics to cure a small third world country of syphilis (or at least any number of "gut bugs").

Thus began a saga of trying to find out why I was having this pain and why my ileum would be inflamed to begin with. Unfortunately for me, subsequent tests NEVER showed any inflammation. This, of course, beget much frustration. Several X-rays, another CAT scan and a colonoscopy later they still did not know what was wrong with me. I gave up trying to find out. The pain eventually lessened and, while it did not go away, it was tolerable.

Until recently. I can't take it anymore. I'll spare you the details on my bathroom habits but let's just say that irritable bowel syndrome probably would not be an inaccurate diagnosis for *part* of my problem. I went back to the gastro doctor yesterday who is sending me for another battery of tests. The plan is to rule out everything we can up to and including gynecological problems (of course I'll need to see a different doctor for *that*). First up blood work and another abdominal CAT scan. Next Friday another colonoscopy. Since they found a polyp on my first colonoscopy, this probably isn't a bad idea even if they don't manage to see what's causing my pain.

I have new drugs to take too. Let me tell you how happy this makes me. One of them has the side effect of possible drowsiness. I'll take it once I'm home from the CAT scan. I have a cabinet in my kitchen that is starting to look like a miniature pharmacy. Between the medications for asthma, high blood pressure, this new stuff and the assorted other "OTC" drugs... blah.

Talking to a friend the other night, I realized something for the first time (probably because she pointed it out). Whenever I would initiate a conversation with her I would never ask how she was doing or talk about the weather or a million other mundane things. 99% of the time I would talk to her about the game we are both involved in (DragonRealms). I was a bit taken aback by this revelation but, thinking on it, she was absolutely correct. It got me to thinking about a few things.

For all of the years I have known her and talked to her online, I realized I did not really know her. This is as much my fault as anything. I think I, subconsciously, stuck to "safe" and familiar topics because I did not really know her that well. By doing that I wasn't exactly getting to know her better. I have to wonder if it was some kind of subconscious attempt to keep from exposing too much of myself. Now that I am aware of what I was doing, I'm doing everything I can to remedy that. I always knew she was a brilliant, funny and beautiful lady and I look forward to getting to know more about her.

There is a point to all of this (finally you say). I started wondering how many of us do this? How many of us spend years talking to someone and never really get to know them or allow them to know us? How many of us stick to safe and familiar topics in order to keep others at bay and not allow them to know the real us? If you do it too, why do you think that is?