I Heart Chocolate

I always knew chocolate was good for me, especially dark chocolate (which I love). And the darker the better, since dark chocolate has fewer processed sugars. And no, I don't plan on centering my diet solely around chocolate but it's nice to have some of what I've known all along be substantiated, even if it's just a little.

I Heart Chocolate

AIDS virus may hold key to cancer cure. 15/02/2005. ABC News Online

AIDS virus may hold key to cancer cure. 15/02/2005. ABC News Online

Wow. Just wow. If this works, what an incredible breakthrough it would be. To quote my friend Kate: If they're right ... the worst disease of the modern world may very well wind up being cured by the worst epidemic of the modern world.

The Hell?

The New Birth Control Ban

Okay, you know, I can understand being morally against abortion. If all the pill was good for was preventing pregnancy, I might even agree in principal to the doctors and pharmacists refusing to prescribe or fill the prescriptions. However, I can not support any physician or pharmacist denying a woman what might just be an essential part of her healthcare because it might (it's never been proven scientifically from what I understand) prevent embryo implantation and they consider it a kind of pre-emptory abortion.

I'm not one of those foam-at-the-mouth type of feminists. I just want to live my life and have the option of choosing what is best for my body. I had a tubal ligation years ago and don't need the pill for birth control. I take it because I have debilitating menstrual cramps. The kind of cramps that leave me crying in bed for, literally, days. The thought that a doctor or pharmacist could, in some cases legally, deny me this enfurates me beyond belief.

Don't even get me started on the whole birth control aspect....

Xposted from my LJ

For those who can't or don't read there...

I just got the biopsy results back from my endoscopy two weeks ago. Everything is negative, including the tests for celiac disease. Why should I be upset? I should be ecstatic to hear I don't have a disease. I know I should and it's not logical to be this upset but I am. I thought I would *finally* have some answers. Finally. I would have known what was wrong with me and would have had a course of action laid out before me to fix it.

I am so tired of being "sick" and not knowing WHY I am sick. I am tired of people looking at me like I'm insane or it's all in my head. Thankfully my gastro doctor doesn't think I'm crazy. I guess it's because they see stuff like this all the time. I want to feel better. I want to have energy again. Instead I get to have MORE tests and new medication to try to alleviate my symptoms. Yay.

So I had my upper endoscopy today and it was the single most horrible experience I can ever recall having. The people in this outpatient center are very nice and I've had two colonoscopies with them before. Never did I have any problems. Everything was fine and dandy until they sedated me. When I had my colonoscopies the sedation took firm hold and I did not wake up until I was in the recovery area.

I woke up at least twice under the sedation and immediately started choking from this tube down my throat. I want to say it was painful too but that may just be my mind adding it as an afterthought. At one point I vomited and, at another, I believe I was actually fighting them because I wanted that tube OUT. I vaguely remember sobbing too. My throat hurts so bad right now, I can barely swallow.

I've read several experiences others have had with an upper endoscopy and they've all had such nice pleasant experiences with only a vague sore throat afterwards to remind them. I'm exhausted too. I came home and slept off and on for at least four hours. I only woke up to go to the bathroom (IV fluid and stuff to drink after the procedure). Now I have a headache and am waiting for the husband to come home with some throat lozenges for me.

What did I find out from the endoscopy? Well, there are a couple things that were readily visible. I will have to wait for the biopsy results for the main problem they were trying to either confirm or rule out (Celiac Disease). I have erosions in my esophogus from acid reflux disease, I have a small axial hiatal hernia and there was evidence of mild gastritis. I am now on Previcid for the acid reflux and the rest is just a waiting game. My hernia is small enough to not worry about right now. So that's that.

Ramblings, probably not of the artistic kind....

I realize I haven't really posted much anything of true substance here. I am so used to keeping my politics to myself and am rarely comfortable discussing them outloud. Hell, half the time I do not even know how to classify myself ::chuckles:: I think I will keep the politics out for now. Right now, I'm focused on finding out what the hell is wrong with me and getting well. I have been sick for so long it's hard to think about anything else.

One thing is for certain, I will be glad to know it's not all "in my head". I'd almost convinced myself it was. After all, if the doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me, then nothing could be wrong could it? My gastro doctors, at least, have never made me feel that way. Probably because the see cases like mine all the time. Symptoms that tend to be very general in nature and could be indications of any number of diseases or disorders.

I have my upper endoscopy on Wednesday. Hopefully this will be the end and I will finally get some answers. I've been researching the disease the doctor thinks I have. I know it sounds strange to hear someone say they hope the doctor tells them they actually HAVE something wrong with them but, after three years, all I want is to know what's wrong with me and how to go about fixing it. This disease (celiac sprue or celiac disease) is not curable but it IS controllable with diet. It will be a difficult adjustment at first but, not impossible.

I just want to feel... human... again.

I am in a ridiculous amount of pain this morning... abdominal pain that is. There are no drugs I can take to ease the pain or take the edge off it. I've tried. The doctors gave me vicodin and even morphocodone (the generic name for it) which is like vicodin but with morphine in it instead. They didn't even *help* and, since they are highly addictive, I stopped taking them when I realized they weren't going to stop the pain.

I should be in bed. I can't even *think* about sleeping right now, no matter how tired I am. There's absolutely *no* sleeping with this pain. It's the worst it's been in months right now. I'll be so glad for a diagnosis. I'm hoping my doctor can give me one soon. Unfortunately gastro problems are some of the hardest to diagnose because so many symptoms overlap and mimic each other for different disorders. I have a friend who *finally* got a diagnosis on her problem after 5 years. I'm going on three...

I know one of my friends on LJ understands what I'm going through even if our health problems are vastly different (::hugs to Angela::). It's frustrating as hell. I'm having more mood swings right now than a 15 year old girl. It's got to be hard on my husband too...

After getting the results of my bloodwork back, my gastro doctor suspects I may have something called Celiac Sprue (http://www.csaceliacs.org/). If it is what I have it will be a pain in the neck to adjust because I will have to adopt a gluten free diet.. forever. It's not curable at this point in time.

My colonoscopy was normal so this is a good thing. Next up is an upper endoscopy to see if my small intestine is damaged from the Celiac disease. Personally, I rather hope it's not what I have but at the same time, I'll be happy for a diagnosis.

Those of you who've known me awhile will recall a couple years back when I started having abdominal pain. It's centered right around my navel, slightly below and to the right of it. When I first had it, it hurt so badly, I could have sworn I was having an attack of appendicitis. It was 2am, I woke up my husband (whom I was not married to yet) and we went to the ER. It turns out it wasn't my appendix. I had no fever and my white blood cell count was normal.

The surgeon was not about to cut me open if he did not have to so he ordered a CAT scan of the area. Turns out my ileum (part of the small intestine) was inflamed and it's right in the area that was in pain. There just so happened to be a gastroenterologist doing rounds in the hospital at that time (by this time it was 9am! Mind you we got to the ER around 2:30am). The gastro doctor immediately admitted me and I got to spend three very boring days hooked up to an IV while they pumped me full of enough antibiotics to cure a small third world country of syphilis (or at least any number of "gut bugs").

Thus began a saga of trying to find out why I was having this pain and why my ileum would be inflamed to begin with. Unfortunately for me, subsequent tests NEVER showed any inflammation. This, of course, beget much frustration. Several X-rays, another CAT scan and a colonoscopy later they still did not know what was wrong with me. I gave up trying to find out. The pain eventually lessened and, while it did not go away, it was tolerable.

Until recently. I can't take it anymore. I'll spare you the details on my bathroom habits but let's just say that irritable bowel syndrome probably would not be an inaccurate diagnosis for *part* of my problem. I went back to the gastro doctor yesterday who is sending me for another battery of tests. The plan is to rule out everything we can up to and including gynecological problems (of course I'll need to see a different doctor for *that*). First up blood work and another abdominal CAT scan. Next Friday another colonoscopy. Since they found a polyp on my first colonoscopy, this probably isn't a bad idea even if they don't manage to see what's causing my pain.

I have new drugs to take too. Let me tell you how happy this makes me. One of them has the side effect of possible drowsiness. I'll take it once I'm home from the CAT scan. I have a cabinet in my kitchen that is starting to look like a miniature pharmacy. Between the medications for asthma, high blood pressure, this new stuff and the assorted other "OTC" drugs... blah.